This Monday night, live on Raw, Mr. McMahon strikes back.
Also, when Raw went off the air last week, an infuriated WWE Champion John Cena was wiping apple and spit off his face and staring lasers into Carlito, who thanks to Randy Orton, got a pinfall victory over The Champ. The Caribbean Superstar, who had argued that he deserved to be the No. 1 contender to the WWE Championship, now seems to have further ammunition to his claim. But, will he have to feel the wrath of Cena, who could look for revenge for his humiliating defeat?
Will Cena have something in mind for Orton, who has taken pleasure in sending messages to the champion in the weeks before their SummerSlam showdown? Last week, Orton added another legend to his casualty list when he took Sgt. Slaughter to boot camp and hospitalized him with a punt to his cranium. What is Sarge’s medical update? And will yet another legend challenge Orton?
Another Superstar who made a powerful statement was Mr. Kennedy, who also wants to be recognized as the No. 1 contender to the WWE Championship. Kennedy did the nearly-impossible – put Bobby Lashley on the sidelines with a shoulder injury. How much will the loudmouth from Green Bay, Wis., boast about his latest conquest? And what is Lashley’s condition?
Full Version: Raw 6th of August 2007
Please don't read if you don't wish to know what happens on Raw...
BUFFALO, N.Y. – Less than two months after allegedly going out in a blaze of glory, Mr. McMahon struck back on Raw, triggering an explosive series of events that rocked our fans and Raw’s Superstars in the HSBC Arena to their very core. However, in a scene eerily reminiscent of the one he admitted to staging at the conclusion of Raw June 11, WWE’s Chairman received a bombshell Monday night that might have him wishing that he had been “blown to smithereens” in his stretch limousine in Wilkes-Barre, Pa.
The bombshell? Being hit with a paternity suit for an illegitimate child he sired…and the jaw-dropping realization that another McMahon may exist out there, somewhere.
It was supposed to be a good night for the returning Chairman, whose “freedom of expression” demeanor suggested that he had intended to make the most of his evening – even when his private jet’s mechanical problems forced him to stay grounded in Buffalo. Within mere minutes, he had declared an impromptu Battle Royal and found himself a new General Manager in winner William Regal.
Unfortunately, Mr. McMahon’s good humor seemed to be at the expense of Jonathan Coachman, who not only lost his Raw top spot as Acting GM, but was forced to swallow his pride even further when the boss reassigned him as Regal’s Executive Assistant.
That said, the brooding Coachman must have found some measure of comfort in relaying a sequence of unfortunate events to Mr. McMahon Monday night. After all, it was he who informed the Chairman of his malfunctioning jet, then later alerted him of a full-scale audit having just been ordered by the IRS (the organization, not the man). Yet even Coachman couldn’t possibly have anticipated the process server who’d arrive with a summons for Mr. McMahon, or the summons’ contents within.
As for the boss himself…well, he earlier confided with Raw’s new GM that orchestrating his own death had taught him some harsh life lessons. Beyond the fact that our fans and his Superstars seemed happy or unfazed by the feigned tragedy, it was his family’s behavior which truly opened his eyes. He pointed out how his son, Shane, had been conveniently “missing in action” on the night of the explosion. Daughter Stephanie might have been crying in the ring about losing her father, but he knew that she also had three different attorneys working to cut her slice of the McMahon estate pie. And then there was his wife of 41 years, Linda, whom the Chairman air-quoted as seen being “consoled” by a longtime faithful WWE employee. Nevertheless, Mr. McMahon was confident that he’d find a way to galvanize his family together, by finding “the goodness” that he knew existed inside him. As he told Regal, “There’s nothing that will stop my family from getting back together.”
Almost mirroring the final moments before June 11’s limousine explosion, the Chairman walked down the HSBC Arena hallways, passing Raw Superstars, Divas and backstage workers as he exited the building. Once again, he headed straight for his white limousine, taking one last look behind him before, and started entering the stretch vehicle. And that’s when his world exploded.
Sorry, let’s clarify – it wasn’t an actual explosion this time. This one was figurative, but its impact was, and is, potentially far more devastating.
Catching Mr. McMahon just before he slammed the limo door closed, Coachman gave him the summons. The annoyed Chairman, knowing that Raw’s Executive Assistant had already read the paperwork, ordered him to read the summons aloud:
“The state of Connecticut says you’re being served with a paternity suit for an illegitimate child that you sired,” Coachman said.
Mr. McMahon’s face turned from annoyance into utter disbelief, like a man whose world had just blown up in his face, while his designated detonator of bad news fired out one more burst of reality:
“That’s right…apparently, there’s another member of the McMahon family running around out there somewhere.”
WWE.com tried catching up with WWE’s Chairman for a quick word about the shocking news; unfortunately, the skid marks left behind by his stretch limo made it plain that a man who cited “freedom of expression” all evening was in no mood to talk with anyone now.
BUFFALO, N.Y. – Less than two months after allegedly going out in a blaze of glory, Mr. McMahon struck back on Raw, triggering an explosive series of events that rocked our fans and Raw’s Superstars in the HSBC Arena to their very core. However, in a scene eerily reminiscent of the one he admitted to staging at the conclusion of Raw June 11, WWE’s Chairman received a bombshell Monday night that might have him wishing that he had been “blown to smithereens” in his stretch limousine in Wilkes-Barre, Pa.
The bombshell? Being hit with a paternity suit for an illegitimate child he sired…and the jaw-dropping realization that another McMahon may exist out there, somewhere.
It was supposed to be a good night for the returning Chairman, whose “freedom of expression” demeanor suggested that he had intended to make the most of his evening – even when his private jet’s mechanical problems forced him to stay grounded in Buffalo. Within mere minutes, he had declared an impromptu Battle Royal and found himself a new General Manager in winner William Regal.
Unfortunately, Mr. McMahon’s good humor seemed to be at the expense of Jonathan Coachman, who not only lost his Raw top spot as Acting GM, but was forced to swallow his pride even further when the boss reassigned him as Regal’s Executive Assistant.
That said, the brooding Coachman must have found some measure of comfort in relaying a sequence of unfortunate events to Mr. McMahon Monday night. After all, it was he who informed the Chairman of his malfunctioning jet, then later alerted him of a full-scale audit having just been ordered by the IRS (the organization, not the man). Yet even Coachman couldn’t possibly have anticipated the process server who’d arrive with a summons for Mr. McMahon, or the summons’ contents within.
As for the boss himself…well, he earlier confided with Raw’s new GM that orchestrating his own death had taught him some harsh life lessons. Beyond the fact that our fans and his Superstars seemed happy or unfazed by the feigned tragedy, it was his family’s behavior which truly opened his eyes. He pointed out how his son, Shane, had been conveniently “missing in action” on the night of the explosion. Daughter Stephanie might have been crying in the ring about losing her father, but he knew that she also had three different attorneys working to cut her slice of the McMahon estate pie. And then there was his wife of 41 years, Linda, whom the Chairman air-quoted as seen being “consoled” by a longtime faithful WWE employee. Nevertheless, Mr. McMahon was confident that he’d find a way to galvanize his family together, by finding “the goodness” that he knew existed inside him. As he told Regal, “There’s nothing that will stop my family from getting back together.”
Almost mirroring the final moments before June 11’s limousine explosion, the Chairman walked down the HSBC Arena hallways, passing Raw Superstars, Divas and backstage workers as he exited the building. Once again, he headed straight for his white limousine, taking one last look behind him before, and started entering the stretch vehicle. And that’s when his world exploded.
Sorry, let’s clarify – it wasn’t an actual explosion this time. This one was figurative, but its impact was, and is, potentially far more devastating.
Catching Mr. McMahon just before he slammed the limo door closed, Coachman gave him the summons. The annoyed Chairman, knowing that Raw’s Executive Assistant had already read the paperwork, ordered him to read the summons aloud:
“The state of Connecticut says you’re being served with a paternity suit for an illegitimate child that you sired,” Coachman said.
Mr. McMahon’s face turned from annoyance into utter disbelief, like a man whose world had just blown up in his face, while his designated detonator of bad news fired out one more burst of reality:
“That’s right…apparently, there’s another member of the McMahon family running around out there somewhere.”
WWE.com tried catching up with WWE’s Chairman for a quick word about the shocking news; unfortunately, the skid marks left behind by his stretch limo made it plain that a man who cited “freedom of expression” all evening was in no mood to talk with anyone now.
BUFFALO, N.Y. – At first, it didn’t look like a kingly battle between monarchs. It looked more like a Pier 6 brawl on Raw between WWE Hall of Famer Jerry “The King” Lawler and King Booker, both fighting for the right to be crowned by the loser next week in the mecca of sports-entertainment, Madison Square Garden.
The Memphis legend’s famous powerful punches gave the six-time World Champion all he could handle. Unfortunately, Queen Sharmell proved to be a royal pain in Lawler’s neck, distracting The King long enough to allow Booker to deliver his patented Scissors Kick and score the crowning pinfall.
By stipulation, Lawler will have to swallow his pride and begrudgingly place a crown upon King Booker’s head in a Royal Coronation ceremony next Monday on Raw. Prior to the match, Booker again berated SummerSlam’s returning “King of Kings,” Triple H, as a pretender to the throne.
Also returning was WWE’s Chairman of the Board, Mr. McMahon, who made the night a memorable one. To Acting General Manager Jonathan Coachman’s dismay, Mr. McMahon ordered a company-wide Battle Royal to determine a new Raw commissioner, which was won by former WWE Commissioner William Regal.
Regal faked an injury to slip outside the ring early in the Battle Royal, then snuck in as Sandman thought he won the match and clobbered the ECW Original to earn the win. Mr. McMahon cold-comforted Coachman after the match by naming him Regal’s new Executive Assistant.
Throughout the night, Mr. McMahon launched tirades against the United States Congress, the media, his family members and WWE Superstars who showed no sympathy for the Chairman, who admitted to faking his own death months ago to see who really appreciated him. He swore to become a better man, and to reunite his family that had been splintered by the limo explosion.
McMahon’s psyche further splintered as he was informed that he was the subject of an Internal Revenue Service audit. Capping off the Chairman’s night of bad karma was news of a paternity suit against him, claiming that he sired an illegitimate child – another potential heir to the McMahon empire.
In other Raw action, Carlito invited WWE Champion John Cena into “Carlito’s Cabana” for an interview, but The Champ took over, making the show his own. After conducting an interview with himself and delivering a Letterman-esque Top 3 list, he pummeled the Caribbean Superstar who defeated him the week before and spit apple chunks in his face. Cena’s SummerSlam opponent, Randy Orton, chose the moment to try a sneak attack on The Champ, but Cena fended him off, then lifted Carlito up for the FU.
New Raw GM William Regal intervened and ordered Carlito and Orton to decide between themselves who would face Cena in Raw’s main event. But, since Regal didn’t specify it had to be them specifically, the cunning pair chose the Intercontinental Champion, Umaga, to face Cena in a non-title match, to the delight of the new GM.
During the match between the two champions, Orton and Carlito tried to attack Cena, but made the mistake of provoking the Samoan Bulldozer in the process, who threw the pair from the ring. GM Regal then announced that Carlito and Orton would face Cena and Umaga in an epic tag-team match on Raw next Monday at Madison Square Garden.
Regal’s other action for the evening was to re-create the popular American game show, The Dating Game, and live out his childhood dream to be a game show host. WWE Diva Maria had the opportunity to choose between “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, Ron Simmons, and Santino Marella.
Despite Marella’s pleadings and coercion, Maria chose Simmons to the delight of the HSBC Arena crowd. Marella demanded that Maria come with him, but ran away scared when Umaga made his way to the ring for the next match.
Pop star wannabe Jillian Hall defeated Mickie James with an impressive show of power. But prior to her match, Jillian Hall mocked Raw ring announcer Lilian Garcia, who has a new album coming out this fall.
Despite the crowd’s pleas to hear Lilian preview a track from her CD, Jillian went on to give her ear-splitting rendition of a Britney Spears song, as Lilian winced in the corner of the ring. After Hall’s win, the pop star stared down the Raw ring announcer, who stared back uneasily from ringside.
Mr. Kennedy came to the ring to boast about his defeat of the Dominator, Bobby Lashley, who is undergoing surgery Tuesday on his injured shoulder. He claimed that Lashley could still hear “KENNEDYYYYYYY” ringing in his ears after the loss, and reiterated his claim that he should be the No. 1 contender for the WWE Championship.
Continuing his path of rage Monday night, Raw’s deranged giant, Snitsky, defeated Rory McAllister of The Highlanders. In just under a minute, Snitsky pumphandle-slammed Rory to the mat and scored the pinfall
The Memphis legend’s famous powerful punches gave the six-time World Champion all he could handle. Unfortunately, Queen Sharmell proved to be a royal pain in Lawler’s neck, distracting The King long enough to allow Booker to deliver his patented Scissors Kick and score the crowning pinfall.
By stipulation, Lawler will have to swallow his pride and begrudgingly place a crown upon King Booker’s head in a Royal Coronation ceremony next Monday on Raw. Prior to the match, Booker again berated SummerSlam’s returning “King of Kings,” Triple H, as a pretender to the throne.
Also returning was WWE’s Chairman of the Board, Mr. McMahon, who made the night a memorable one. To Acting General Manager Jonathan Coachman’s dismay, Mr. McMahon ordered a company-wide Battle Royal to determine a new Raw commissioner, which was won by former WWE Commissioner William Regal.
Regal faked an injury to slip outside the ring early in the Battle Royal, then snuck in as Sandman thought he won the match and clobbered the ECW Original to earn the win. Mr. McMahon cold-comforted Coachman after the match by naming him Regal’s new Executive Assistant.
Throughout the night, Mr. McMahon launched tirades against the United States Congress, the media, his family members and WWE Superstars who showed no sympathy for the Chairman, who admitted to faking his own death months ago to see who really appreciated him. He swore to become a better man, and to reunite his family that had been splintered by the limo explosion.
McMahon’s psyche further splintered as he was informed that he was the subject of an Internal Revenue Service audit. Capping off the Chairman’s night of bad karma was news of a paternity suit against him, claiming that he sired an illegitimate child – another potential heir to the McMahon empire.
In other Raw action, Carlito invited WWE Champion John Cena into “Carlito’s Cabana” for an interview, but The Champ took over, making the show his own. After conducting an interview with himself and delivering a Letterman-esque Top 3 list, he pummeled the Caribbean Superstar who defeated him the week before and spit apple chunks in his face. Cena’s SummerSlam opponent, Randy Orton, chose the moment to try a sneak attack on The Champ, but Cena fended him off, then lifted Carlito up for the FU.
New Raw GM William Regal intervened and ordered Carlito and Orton to decide between themselves who would face Cena in Raw’s main event. But, since Regal didn’t specify it had to be them specifically, the cunning pair chose the Intercontinental Champion, Umaga, to face Cena in a non-title match, to the delight of the new GM.
During the match between the two champions, Orton and Carlito tried to attack Cena, but made the mistake of provoking the Samoan Bulldozer in the process, who threw the pair from the ring. GM Regal then announced that Carlito and Orton would face Cena and Umaga in an epic tag-team match on Raw next Monday at Madison Square Garden.
Regal’s other action for the evening was to re-create the popular American game show, The Dating Game, and live out his childhood dream to be a game show host. WWE Diva Maria had the opportunity to choose between “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, Ron Simmons, and Santino Marella.
Despite Marella’s pleadings and coercion, Maria chose Simmons to the delight of the HSBC Arena crowd. Marella demanded that Maria come with him, but ran away scared when Umaga made his way to the ring for the next match.
Pop star wannabe Jillian Hall defeated Mickie James with an impressive show of power. But prior to her match, Jillian Hall mocked Raw ring announcer Lilian Garcia, who has a new album coming out this fall.
Despite the crowd’s pleas to hear Lilian preview a track from her CD, Jillian went on to give her ear-splitting rendition of a Britney Spears song, as Lilian winced in the corner of the ring. After Hall’s win, the pop star stared down the Raw ring announcer, who stared back uneasily from ringside.
Mr. Kennedy came to the ring to boast about his defeat of the Dominator, Bobby Lashley, who is undergoing surgery Tuesday on his injured shoulder. He claimed that Lashley could still hear “KENNEDYYYYYYY” ringing in his ears after the loss, and reiterated his claim that he should be the No. 1 contender for the WWE Championship.
Continuing his path of rage Monday night, Raw’s deranged giant, Snitsky, defeated Rory McAllister of The Highlanders. In just under a minute, Snitsky pumphandle-slammed Rory to the mat and scored the pinfall
*pinches self*
Ow. Bollocks, not dreaming.
Ow. Bollocks, not dreaming.
The greatest segment since Ric Flair made Musical Chairs awesome: William Regal Presents: WWE Dating Game
I could've died happy after watching this.
I could've died happy after watching this.
I LOVE how the music starts playing while they think of an answer! It adds to the hilarity. 
That was funny as hell. Ron Simmons is a comedy god.
I've not posted any throughts yet due to having not seen Raw yet.But will be comenting after tomorrow.But it does look like a fun episode
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